Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Wake Me Up When It's Over!


I absolutely HATE Halloween. 
Yes, I am using the word HATE here.
HATE! HATE Halloween...with a passion it would seem. 
I dread it's existence every single year.  This year there's a full moon which means a whole special brand of freaks will come out at night!  In fact, if it wasn't for my birthday being in October, I'd go into hiding for the entire month as to not have to deal with anything surrounding this wretched holiday. I'm not even into it for the candy!
How dare it even be considered a holiday?!

"Why, dear ChatterBox, doth thee despise All Hallows Eve?"  
Because... I'm a big chicken, that's why! 
Yep. Scardie-Cat, Fraidy-Cat, Yellow-Belly...whatever you want to call me... and I'm not ashamed to admit it! 
I don't like anything at all having to do with scary stuff! Period!

I don't like horror movies. 
I refuse to watch The Exorcist despite the fact that it was filmed in the seventies and I'm pretty sure now the special effects are laughable.  Not really trying to test that theory...ever. 
I saw one installment of the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise.  I didn't sleep for a week. 
The same goes for The Blair Witch Project.  No, it was not stupid and it scared the absolute poop out of me.  That movie left way too much up to my vivid imagination.  I really should not watch movies that are supposed true stories that happen in the state where I grew up...just freaks me out! Another reason why I cannot watch The Exorcist.  Too close to home.

I loathe haunted houses.
Movies are one thing but live action, quite another. 
Things popping up and people jumping out at me...not in the vicinity of fun! 
Note to anyone reading this post and thinking..."The next time I see Christie I am going to jump out with a Scream mask on and scare the crap out of her...ha ha ha...won't that be funny...ha ha ha ha!"  Ha ha, hell! 
You don't understand...in situations like that, I go into straight defense mode.  I am out to protect myself from evil.  I come in and go out swinging!   So go ahead, drag me to a haunted house...jump out and scare me if you want... I guarantee somebody is going to the hospital!

Even Halloween decorations freak me out!
Anybody been to Party City lately?  UGH! And don't let somebody's house look suspect.  If it gives one single hint that somebody is coming to the door dressed like Jason or Michael Myers, I am SO not knocking on the door...period!  Your house better be lit up like freakin' Time Square for me to even consider saying "trick-or-treat!"

So you are wondering how I handle this now that I have kids? 
Easy... I go camp out at someone else's house where there will be one Halloween-loving individual to answer the door for the teenagers in the stomach turning bloody skull masks and another Halloween-loving individual to take my kids trick-or-treating! 
Well, truth be told that doesn't work out every year...so basically when I have to (gulp) go out with the kids, we only go to houses I know and we're done.

So yes, you've learned a little bit more about the inner workings of ChatterBox Christie today. 
Ironically, hating Halloween has not deterred me from having a thing for Vampires and Zombies.
They don't scare me like everything else does.  I don't consider Vampire movies in the same universe as horror movies and most of you know how much I love The Walking Dead.
Yes...I know...big fat oxymoron. 
I have embraced my weirdness and wear it like a badge of honor. 
You love me anyway so deal with it!