Monday, March 5, 2012

Happy Endings

Last week, I experienced more than the lion's share of "things ending."
Two friends ended their seemingly happy relationships. One, was a good, mutual, and amicable parting. The other one was just effin' awful. (If you're in my circles on G+ I did a little rant about that one) 
My Project #Flawless12 came to a bittersweet end.
I had to drag myself kicking and screaming away from Napa. I cried on the plane grieving over having to leave such a beautiful place and beautiful people that made me feel much needed love and peace.

That week of endings drudged up all the other personal and professional "endings" that I have dealt with.
Some, I'm still enduring as we speak.  These are the worst.
The "never-ending" endings.  The "Voldemort" endings.
We dare not speak its name so the ending just lingers and haunts and threatens to kill you.

It's screwing with my chi, yo!

I've decided to put into practice believing all endings are happy.
If something is ending, something else is beginning.
Easier said than done, of course.
What gets to me and, by extension, pisses me off is that I know full-well what's ending… I have not a flippin' clue what's going to happen beyond that point!
That's what hurts. It's not the ending.
It's the "What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

Then there is the subconsciously egotistical aspect of "I really don't want to end" and the "I don't want to be the one to end it" to consider.
Because once you say you're done with something…or with someone, you can't take it back. 
Well…you can…but let's face it...nobody ever does.
(enter Voldemort)

So…how am I putting this into practice? 
When something that has ended comes to mind, I think of what began after it.
Sometimes I can see it clear as day. Sometimes it takes a moment to figure out which door closed to open what window.
When I get it, I can make peace with it. 
I practice recognizing and retaining only the blessings and lessons of the experience and letting the rest go.  Remembering that everything happens for a reason.

As for the "Voldemorts" in my life…a daily struggle.
An inner tug-o-wars of epic proportion.
Fear can be so sexy when it wants to be. 
Seducing you with all of the things you'll be missing out on if you let go.
I tell myself of all the things I am missing out on by not letting go.
The grip loosens and I'm just one more step closer to a happy ending.